The third

The third time rang in echo through all of my senses. This time I didn't sprint awake, but curled upward, feeling the heat of my body still steamy around me. This time I simply answered..."here I am." Past the cracks of wagon covering, a brilliant moon sister was still saying goodbye in the Sky to her father, Lar Torvis. Muted watercolors were filling the ceiling of the world, bleeding down onto the still dark ground. The breath I took was deep and cleansing, and understanding was filling every cell.

I was pleased with my accomplishments so far, but knew I could never move on without change. My future would not come to me, but I must go to it. At times I was sure I would pick and choose my way, and other times I would run full force. But without any step at all, I would forever be...here. In the now. I was a little apprehensive, a little excited, a little sad and a little happy. It would mean leaving behind what I had made pleasant for myself, and striking out into the unknown. I would have to leave my comfort.

The voice that called me, called a name I wasn't familiar with. But I knew, knew it in my soul, that it was I being summoned. It didn't promise safety, nor security nor even the correct path. There was the possibility of pain, of heartache and sorrow. There was the chance of blessed joy, happiness untold, and rapture undefined. There was the opportunity for success, the option of failures, and the reality that this story was unwritten and unknown. It guaranteed me nothing more than this...it believed and was forever with me.

I made a simple breakfast and then began. Chests were opened, sifting through all the things Yama and I had so carefully packed. From food, to amulets and prayer beads, to wagon supplies and gifts for the family, each was examined and cherished and put aside. The hardest was a quilt. Made by my young hands with the aid of Yama and Aunts, women of the ranch, and visiting family, it portrayed my girlish hopes and dreams. The finest item in my hope chest for my "future" I held on to it the longest, letting tears of joy to have had all these beautiful moments in my life. When I finally was done, I stood outside the cock-eyed wagon with all my worldly possessions I would take.
"Goodbye."