Step

I made the decision to leave later in the day. I am not sure it was the wisest decision, but I thought I had reasoned it out enough. It made sense to me anyway. The air was briskly nippy, swatting my nose and cheeks with frosty kisses. The night was sure to be worse. A film of snow already dazzled in prisms of light from Lar Torvis, with a promise of more resting in great gauzy clouds up above. The way I figured it, walking through the dark hours of evening would keep me warm. Warmer than I would be trying to cuddle with the few blankets I was carrying, on cold wet ground, surrounded by nothing but more...cold...wet...ground. I would walk through the night, and with the dawn and light that would show me exactly what I was camping on, I would sleep during the day.

I looked over the lopsided home I had made my own one last time and began. They say the first step is the hardest, but in this case it wasn't true. I had travelled from the wagon many many times. Taking different directions, circling around, canvasing every hort of the area within eye shot of the wagon. The path I had chosen this time was simply...the direction the wagon was pointing in. I set out, the rather large, but very necessary pack strapped to my back and eventually I started humming. That is supposed to make the time pass faster, and I found that it was true. It also kept the shadows at bay later on.

Light was splintering into a spectrum of deep roses and dusky oranges when I turned around in search of the wagon. For a good few ahns I could find it, like a landmark against the gently rolling landscape. I suppose I thought if I changed my mind, I would just make a mad dash back the way I came. As long as I could find it. Keeping my options open. I turned, fully expecting the small black dot to be plump and squat right where I had left it. With a three quarter moon sliding down the left side of a midnight sky and the scratchy remains of a bloodshot horizon behind me, all I could see were the opal dusted rises and dips of the prairie. An endless sheet of nothing to run back to.

This would be the hardest step. I knew this. It even took me some time to turn back to the way I had chosen. I closed my eyes, feeling the grind of boot heel and toe against the earth. I breathed in a taste of the wetness, the grass crushed beneath frozen moisture. I heard Kohut, his voice rising and falling with the beating of my heart. Do not seek to survive until tomorrow. Survive 5 ehn at a time.