Blessings

"Our life is composed greatly from dreams, from the unconscious, and they must be brought into connection with action. They must be woven together."
(Anais Nin)

I was all of five or six years old and Yama was scolding me with a high pitched voice and an accusatory tone to her voice. Tears, warm and salty, bled over my cheeks and I had rubbed them away until my face hurt. I had lost my amulet, my beautiful amulet, and Yama was beside herself that I could be so careless. I kept trying to tell her something, through the deep sobs that seemed torn from my stomach, making my sentences break up into little pieces of words. I knew I hadn't lost it, but I couldn't remember where I had put it. I was trying so hard to grasp that little bit of knowledge. Of something that was out there and I just could not touch it.

I ran out of the ranch house, my legs growing long beneath my skirt, exposing my ankles and calves. Yama ran after me and was soon joined by Uncle Dray. I ran toward the brush and tangled growth near the stream, pressing my palms against my cheeks over and over again. I was ten now, confidently racing along the stream bed, jumping from flat stones to the other side and darting through grass that was at least as tall as I was. I stumbled over a rise in the mossy grass and fell to my knees.

I heard Yama and Uncle Dray finally catching up behind me. I was out of breath, taking in damp air through shaking lips. Teardrops were cold against my jaw and left a small trail against my shirt. I wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand and the misty air cleared and I saw him there. I was fifteen, and I realized my hair was untidy and loose in my braid. Yama pressed a hand to my shoulder as all three of us stared and I finally remembered. My finger pointed and I triumphantly proclaimed that I gave my amulet to Him.

Yama asked why and I said that He needed it. Uncle Dray laughed, putting his large hand atop my shoulder, and told me that it didn't seem to be doing much good. He was large like a bosk bull, dark as night and glowing with a light of fire that should have singed me but didn't. He was beautiful, wrapping my heart with a firm grip and stirring a passion inside me that dried the tears on my cheeks with the warmth. Around him were a million flower petals, all tinged with crimson, and they seemed to hold all the emptiness and pain in the world.

I crept away from Yama and Uncle Dray, feeling all the tears turn from those of fear to those of hope. I scooped up a handful of petals and when I glanced down my tears mingled and the first of a pale white flower was born. I simply said..

blessings work in mysterious ways.

When I woke, I was almost eighteen and I knew someone needed my help.