Restless

I did not sleep well. It was not fear that kept me awake, nor loneliness, nor even hunger. A small bowl with chunks of cheeses, flat bread, a few dried berries and even a couple of nuts was brought to me a short time after Brave Warrior Fonce left. There was a bota of water, crisp, cool and refreshing as well. All of my needs were satisfied, from shelter to sustenance to comfort. What was keeping me awake, disturbing the blessed relief of sleep ...was want. I had a choice to make, one that was making me uneasy. But that was not the true core of the matter here. It ran deeper. It centered around...what do you want, Genesee.

How to answer the question of something like want, desire, hopes, wishes and dreams? I settled briefly on the platform, half within the flaps of the wagon and half outside, watching the twinkling stars dance around the moon Sisters. I told them all of my day, slipping my amulet of blessings from beneath the sheath of midnight shirt and tenderly stroked its outer circle. There were countless blessings attached to my amulet, given from family, friends, and the old man that created it. I remembered that night so clearly. It was the celebration of my 15th year. I am fond of things with fives, so the timing seemed all the more perfect to me. We had just finished a magnificent feast of delicious foods and Yama's home was filled with people. There was a little rippling excitement that swelled as we cleared away the dishes and got started on the just visiting part of the evening. For days before, I had become suspicious that something was being talked about when I was out of earshot. People would turn and walk away when they saw me coming. I would catch a face in the doorway of the house, and it would duck away as quickly as a flash of lightning. Once, I stepped into the kitchen and Yama shooed me out so fast I think my head was spinning. Curious, I lingered now and again longer than I should have, but in the end decided I just would enjoy the surprise of knowing when the time was right.

I had no idea it was the efforts of so many that came to create the bundle that was placed in my hand. Tucked tenderly inside a soft cloth was a necklace. Tiny beads ran the length of a strong lace of leather, amber brown in color to almost perfectly match the tie. Dangling from the center was a circle, wrapped in many layers of sky blue thread. Within the blue circle was a bronze button, and radiating like petals were opaque white beads. There was no doubt that they had made me a flower, for blossoms are as much a passion to me as running. I was not told the blessings, only that I could reach for them at any time I felt the need. I have never removed it, cherishing the familiar feel of it tickling between my breasts. And I have been careful about seeking my blessings, reaching only when I absolutely had to. I truly felt that need tonight.

But I did not sleep well. Too much was racing around in my mind, and not one of those things was an answer.